Read, Run, Repeat

A tale of fitness, books, food, and life in between

Vacationer Guilt

on April 3, 2013

I’m on “Spring” break (there is STILL snow on the ground, by the way and it is COLD) – as I’ve mentioned before, I am super happy to be at home and having the chance to recharge my batteries, enjoy the free time, and just live a little. It’s one of the perks of my job – and you know what, I’ll take it!

But, I have a confession.

I’m not all that great at vacation. In fact, I’m a horrible “staycation-er”, actually.

I crave the break and the freedom to do whatever I want. The space to breathe a little bit and to “smell the roses” if you will. On vacation, you’re “supposed” to relax, engage in some fun stuff, and to get some hard earned “Me Time” in. Sounds amazing. Problem is, I really struggle to do that! You may have already read that I have a really hard time sitting still and I am always hyper-focused on my “to do” list. I feel guilty when I am sitting still and not doing anything -because, let’s face it – there’s always something that you could be doing — dishes, mopping the floor, writing psych reports, cleaning out the basement, painting the office. My mindset is “I have all this free time, I should DO something with it.” (and then inevitably, I’m exhausted by the end of vacation).

Yesterday, I worked on blog stuff, tried to figure out twitter (are you following me yet?! I want friends!), started working on a guest post, caught up on blog reading and words with friends games, and then got my BBB workout in. At 2:00, I went in to panic mode about all the things that I HADN”T accomplished. After I showered, I frantically started cleaning the bathroom, while trying to figure out how to cram grocery shopping, getting supplies for a craft project, putting away 3 loads of laundry, and walking the dog all before 5:30 when P heads home from work (this in itself is a totally different post, since I often feel like I need to be June Cleaver when it comes to accomplishing chores before he gets home.) I felt incredibly guilty that I had not tackled  any major project in the time that he was at work. And when I really thought about it, I felt bad that he was at work (like most of the world), and I was at home, and was doing nothing substantial. The guilt was overpowering. I KNOW that P doesn’t care if he comes home to a clean, highly organized, chores-accomplished home. In fact, he urges me to take more time for myself (such a great guy, right!?). But I don’t know how to do that. Or I feel bad if I do.

WHY is that? WHY do I constantly feel like I have to be super woman and save the world? and how do I make that go away? I like the feeling of accomplishing things – I have a craft project that I am looking to do create this week – but why must I feel so guilty about not getting other things done? This afternoon I’m supposed to hit up the movies with a couple of girls to see “Safe Haven” – and I’m really excited about it – and yet, I already have the “to do agenda” filling up in my head. I feel like I seek out the attention, praise, and sense of accomplishment of “doing it all” – yet I wear myself out trying to do it!

If I actually go somewhere on vacation – I don’t tend to have this problem – I can enjoy the margaritas by the pool, and the shopping, and the roller coasters — although, I guess that’s also “accomplishing things” sorta. I think some of the difference is that P is with me when we are actually on vacation! Plus, I am not at home, so I can’t clean the basement!

Today, I will enjoy going to the movies, try to pick up some supplies for my craft project, and perhaps paint my nails. I will try to do this without feeling guilty, and will not obsess over the tasks that are not being done and feel guilty.  I will accomplish one “house related chore.” That’s my plan for the day – Let’s see if I can stick to it!

QOTD: What do you do when you’re on vacation? Do you feel guilty if you don’t tackle major tasks? What should I do while I’m on break?

❤ Brittany

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