Read, Run, Repeat

A tale of fitness, books, food, and life in between

Letting go…

on January 29, 2013

Howdy blogger friends!! How is life treatin’ ya? You know how I know I’ve been living in bitter cold temperatures? When I walked outside this morning, in 27 degrees, and thought to myself “Hey, it’s not that bad out here. It’s kinda nice bearable!” Tomorrow it’s supposed to be in the 50’s – I may put my bathing suit on! (HAHA, HECK NO)

I hope that your weekend was exactly what you needed it to be — mine sure was!! We ran some errands, had family game night with my family, did som cleaning/laundry/food prep, worked out, and BOUGHT A NEW FRIDGE!! The old one kicked off on us again, so we knew it was time to get serious and pick one out. It’s so pretty 🙂 and will actually have room… I’m excited for Feb 6th when it will arrive (and praying that the old one doesn’t kick the bucket for good before then!) We also hit up the Fresh  market to pick up some Honeycrisp apples – they are my absolute favorite and I can’t find them anywhere! While i was there, I did it –I found the coveted new Chobani flavors. I had to restrain myself from pushing people out of my way and true story, did a little happy dance!! I have already tried the pear yogurt and I am in love (Chobani friends, if you would like to send me a case of pear yogurt, I will love you forever!!)! I just received a case of Chobani in the mail actually (thanks Elf4Health!), so P has “forbade” me to buy any more yogurt, because the fridge is chock full! The new fridge has a “deli drawer” and it’s already been renamed to “the yogurt drawer.” I almost never have less than 6 in the house, and if I do, I panic! 😉

The boys may have been the winners, but game night included brownie sundaes. Best. Mom. Ever.

The boys may have been the winners, but game night included brownie sundaes. Best. Mom. Ever.

Yum-o

Anyway, moving on. I also spent some of the weekend reflecting. This usually happens in the shower, on runs, and while I’m ironing clothes on Sunday. I was thinking about myself, and came to the realization that I need to stop buying into the words “I cant do this” and “I dont deserve this.” I think it was the first time that I realized that I have the choice to “not fail.” It actually sounds kinda stupid now that I’m writing it out… I tend to be a negative thinker – and “Sally Sunshine” I’ll never be! But I can, and need, to let go of some of the negative crap and I can choose to be successful. I can choose to think ” I CAN do this.” So, I’m letting go of constantly feeling like I dont deserve ____ (fill in the blank). I use this excuse a lot – and know that I say it to P a lot. In doing so, I’m constantly punishing myself…. and creating a lot of self-doubt and low self-confidence. Not cool. I’m proud of who I am – I work hard, I love hard, and I’m growing every single day. I’m always going to be afraid of failure, rejection, and making mistakes. But I’m slowly changing, and I like who I’m becoming.

New magnet from NYC. so very appropriate

New magnet from NYC. so very appropriate

When I started on my health/fitness/lifestyle change, it was to drop some weight. I was super unhappy with how I looked, and avoided mirrors at all cost. I didn’t feel good on the inside, or the outside, and it was impacting everything in my life. As I am looking back over the past 14 months, I realize, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. That statement in itself, is amazing. I’ve gone through a lot of changes, and finally closed some doors to my past (most days). I’ve tried to forgive myself for some major screw-ups, and I’ve really been working hard on moving forward, and being present, when I can. My new lifstyle has definitely been the catalyst for this change  and it’s impacted every part of my life in huge ways – my work, my family, my relationship with Pete – they are all so much better and more healthy! It feels like I finally took off the gray glasses that I’ve been wearing for so long.

 I think this is the first time that I can honestly say I’m happy… truly happy. And I want to shout it from the rooftops – because, it’s been a long road to get here. But that’s okay.  I think I always felt like I was waiting for happiness to just “happen” — I figured when X, Y, Z happened, THEN I would be happy. Not true. I don’t need the constant negativity to gain attention (ok, some times I still do). I don’t need to feel the need to act like a martyr to get people to like or admire me. I’m still a work in progress. It’s not going to always be easy — BUT I choose to be happy. I choose to believe in myself.  I choose to let go of all that crap that’s been weighing me down for so long…. and holy cow, what an enlightening, exciting feeling that is!! 🙂

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6 responses to “Letting go…

  1. gosh this makes me happy to read! I her this complete contentment and just acceptance with who you are. that is so refreshing to hear!

  2. I’m really glad to hear how much happyness you have felt. That is awesome. Reflections are always the best and obviously looking back and seeing how happy you truly are. Love this and thanks for sharing friend!

  3. Your mom rocks!!! So do those brownie sundaes! And I am also glad you have felt so much happiness 🙂

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